Miss Congeniality

"If someone tries to give you advice today you should listen carefully and promise you will do as they say, even if you secretly believe they are talking rubbish. It doesn't hurt to be good-mannered - not now, not ever. "

This morning I received the following email. It seems Mr. Washington, who advertised for a cleaning lady though Craigslist, has larceny in his heart.  But hey, today I'm all about nice!

Thanks for your email toward the house keeper position i post on
Craigslist, I'm so sorry for the late response to your message,It's
great opportunity to have your mail and i will be looking forward to
read back from your prompt response,. I'm George Washington by name
and I'm happily married to a lovely wife Amber...We are blessed with 2
daughter ages 10yrs &7yrs they're name her ( Jessica & Jenny),We are
relocating from Holland to USA.with the arm of running a Pharmacy
store. As we would be new to the environment
we would Need a House Cleaners to start latest by June 6th (relocation
date)to clean the apartment. Must have experience with young children
and good references.A need you to be able to clean, and help with our
two children so to be very honest,trustworthy and happy please reply
with your work experience..The pay is $400 per week for 3 hrs of work
a day from Monday and Thursday only. You help us to clean the
apartment in the morning of our arrival date,I will tell the Art
Seller to email the keys to the apartment to you so that you can be
able to clean it on the day before we arrive. I will instruct my
Cohort who brought some firming drugs from me to pay for the first one
week before our arrived,..so as to secure your service, actually i
should have paid for more weeks but i will extend the payment if am
satisfy with your service after the one week, the apartment occupies
the entire floor of the building with direct access via the elevator.
So my financier would be needing the following Information bellow to
make out the check Living and dinning room: 21x12 square feet 10x9
square feet If you think you can handle this clean-up perfectly and
all the details as explained, kindly get back to me with the following
information:We require from bellow!

Full Name...............
Full Home address..............
State and City...............
Zip Code........................
Home phone...............
Cell phone............

     I will be waiting to hear from you if you need any assist to help
your preparation you can also contact me through email!

Thanks,      Frank Men

 And my response:

Dear Mr. Washington: it will be a pleasure to meet your Art Seller and begin work on your charming new apartment in Athens!  I will supply all my personal information to you as soon as I receive payment from you for one year in advance. That is how I work! My thoughtful mother always told me "Make them Pay Upfront!" By my calculations that will be $20,800 for the 52 weeks from June 6 2012 unitl June 5, 2013. And don't forget the tip!  Cash only, please!!
You can instruct your Cohort to meet me at your location with the money. By the way, tell him to bring some of those "firming drugs" you mentioned. I'd like to try them.

I can hardly wait to meet your two beautiful children and your lovely wife.  Your new employee, Catherine

P.S. When you have time, Please let me know if I should address you as Mr. Washington, or Mr. Men